Breaking Free from Feelings of Inadequacy

At some point in our lives, almost all of us have felt inadequate in some way. Maybe you have not accomplished as much at work as you would like or are struggling to meet the standards of a significant relationship. Maybe your passion for music or writing has been held back, or you have been too timid to pursue adventures. The goal of a fulfilling life is to steer clear of negative patterns of self-doubt, avoid the inadequacy trap, and never stop striving to be the best version of yourself. However, something so desirable can be surprisingly difficult for some people to achieve. These feelings of inadequacy can become overwhelming, mainly stemming from deeply ingrained limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are the false narratives we tell ourselves, shaped by past experiences, external judgments, or self-imposed expectations. They often hold us back from realizing our potential, leading to a constant sense of not measuring up.

In The Extraordinary Within, I explore how hidden, limiting beliefs create invisible barriers between where we are and where we want to be. These beliefs can erode self-confidence and reinforce feelings of inadequacy, making it seem virtually impossible to break through to explore what we want out of life.

Understanding the Roots of Inadequacy

Often, these feelings of inadequacy start with social comparison. In a world filled with polished images of success on social media, in the office, or even within our families, it’s easy to feel like we are not measuring up. These feelings are shaped by early experiences that, consciously or subconsciously, become part of our identity, such as a teacher or parent telling us to ‘stop being so lazy,’ a critical comment from someone in power, or an internalized set of standards for how ‘successful’ people ought to behave. Over time, these messages build up a protective wall around us in the form of a story about how we would never be successful.

The Role of Limiting Beliefs in Feelings of Inadequacy

Limiting beliefs is that little voice in your head that tells you things like, ‘I could never achieve that,’ ‘I am just not smart enough,’ or ‘That’s just not something I am good at.’ These psychological ceilings can keep us from taking risks, trying new things, or recognizing our abilities. Once those beliefs creep in, these moments of doubt can turn into long-standing feelings of inadequacy.

Research by psychologist Carol Dweck (2006) shows that those with a fixed mindset (the belief that abilities are innate and cannot be changed) and a tendency towards a self-perception of stability are far more likely to hold ‘fixed’ views of their capabilities and, consequently, more likely to fear and avoid challenging situations that might reveal their limitations. By contrast, those with a growth mindset (the belief that abilities are malleable through effort) and a tendency toward a self-perception of instability are far more likely to embrace challenge and interpret failure as a source of growth and learning.

The Impact of Feeling "Not Enough"

But feeling like you are not enough can have consequences that extend to every facet of your life: your relationships and career potential. You will be less able to pursue new opportunities to venture into new endeavors for fear of rejection or failure. The thought that you are not enough can force you to settle for less than you can because you don’t feel like you deserve more.

Effects on Personal Relationships

Feelings of not being good enough and not being lovable often surface in relationships as fear of rejection or a constant need for reassurance. If we feel like we are not good enough, we may not be strong enough to set boundaries effectively, and in doing so, we are constantly seeking reassurance that we are lovable and acceptable. Over time, we can end up in relationships where we cannot value or protect ourselves because we constantly need validation from outside sources rather than from within.

Effects on Professional Growth

At work, limiting beliefs can keep people from pursuing a promotion, a leadership role, or asking for a raise or other due compensation. People who feel inadequate may shy away from learning opportunities because they don’t believe they qualify and never get ahead. This avoidance can trap them in what psychologists call a ‘vicious cycle’: I don’t feel qualified for that promotion, so I will pass, confirming my belief that I’m inadequate, so I, in turn, don’t feel qualified for a promotion and so on.’

Breaking Free from Limiting Beliefs

Fortunately, limiting beliefs can be challenged and overcome. Just because you have had a belief about yourself for years does not mean it is accurate or that it must be true. Escaping limiting beliefs begins with awareness and a shift in thoughts and behaviors.

Here are several strategies to help overcome feelings of inadequacy and the limiting beliefs that fuel them:

1. Identify and Challenge Limiting Beliefs

The first step to breaking free from limiting beliefs is identifying them. What are the negative beliefs you hold about yourself? What are the recurring thoughts that tell you are not enough? Write them down, and for each one, ask yourself: "Is this true?" Often, when we can look at the belief and ask this question, we realize they are based on fear or past experiences, not on facts.

Practical Strategy: For every limiting belief, write down evidence that challenges it. For example, if your limiting belief is "I am not smart enough," write down past things you have achieved, skills you have, or challenges you have overcome as evidence of your capability.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

Feelings of inadequacy are often fueled by harsh self-criticism. However, as psychologist Susan Neff describes, self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. So, instead of being our worst critic, self-compassionate individuals would offer themselves the same encouragement and support they would give to a friend. For example, they would highlight the effort they have put in when things have not gone well, or they might remind themselves that others are bound to experience similar obstacles.

Practical Strategy: Next time you notice yourself having negative thoughts, pause and ask, "Would I say this to a friend in the same situation?" Then, replace the negative thought with a more compassionate statement.

3. Focus on Strengths and Achievements

Focusing on weaknesses and failures is easy, but doing so reinforces feelings of inadequacy. Make a conscious effort to recognize your strengths and acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small. Focusing on weaknesses and failures is easy, but this can reinforce feelings of inadequacy. Instead, practice identifying your strengths and acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small. Over time, this shift in focus helps build a more balanced view of yourself.

Practical Strategy: Every day, list three things you did right – things you accomplished, skills you used, or interactions you handled well. Shifting from what you don’t have to what you do have.

4. Reframe Failures as Learning Opportunities

Many limiting beliefs are rooted in fear of failure, but failure is not the opposite of success; it is part of it. To diminish the strength of failure, we can reframe it as an opportunity to learn from our mistakes. Every time you fail at something, instead of thinking you are inadequate, see your failure as a step toward success.

Practical Strategy: After every mistake or failure, ask yourself what you can learn from this experience to make it less likely that you will repeat it in the future. What can I do next time? Making it about the lesson you are learning helps transform failure into an opportunity for learning.

5. Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

Who you spend time with makes a big difference in how you think about yourself. Spend time with people who are supportive and encourage you. Positive and healthy relationships can challenge self-defeating beliefs by offering praise and constructive criticism.

Practical Strategy: Find someone who supports and nurtures your strengths and spends more time with them and less time with those who affirm your negative beliefs about yourself and make you feel inadequate.

Reclaiming Your Power

If you have been held back by feelings of inadequacy or negative beliefs and thoughts, do not let them define your future. Identify the beliefs, counter them, practice self-compassion, focus on your strengths, and reframe failure. This will help you break free from the cycle of self-doubt and start seeing yourself as the capable and worthy person you truly are.

Key Takeaway for Your Journey

Limiting beliefs creates invisible barriers that keep us stuck in feelings of inadequacy. While these boundaries cannot be breached in the blink of an eye, they can be challenged and replaced with self-empowering beliefs and even more supportive thoughts. You are enough. The boundaries you are looking at are not as permanent as they feel.

Actionable Step

Write down one limiting belief about yourself and what holds you back. Write down evidence that proves your belief is not true. For example, if your belief is ‘I am not capable,’ you could write down times when you have accomplished a goal or something you thought was impossible or challenged you. Reading or looking at this list can help shift your perspective and rebuild your self-worth.

References

• Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W.H. Freeman.

• Burns, D. D. (1989). The Feeling Good Handbook. Plume.

• Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.

• Ketter, D. E. (2024). The Extraordinary Within: A 7-Step Guide to Finding the Potential to Achieve the Impossible. Legacy Lantern Publishing House.

• Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. HarperCollins.

• Seligman, M. E. P. (2002). Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment. Free Press.

For more insights on overcoming limiting beliefs and reclaiming your sense of self-worth, explore The Extraordinary Within. I discuss strategies for unlocking your full potential and breaking free from the thoughts that hold you back.